Emily, 17. Just a girl who lives in the armpit of the world blogging her life away.
Manliness increased by 2
Dad Humor increased by 5
Sneeze Volume increased by 7 decibels
Ability to Relate to Kids decreased by 1
Need to Buy Lottery Tickets increased by 2
New joke unlocked: “Hi Bored, I’m dad!”
New ability available for purchase: Power Sneeze
when you really hate the fuck out of someone but you cant say shit because everyone else loves them and you know deep down in your cold dead heart that they’re a terrible person
ariana grande reminds me of the annoying girl at school with mediocre vocals that always gets asked to sing the national anthem or something for school events
okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl
female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.
so in conclusion
if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick
FUCK WHAT KIND OF POST IS THIS
no matter what anyone says, the night before a morning where you don’t have to get up early for anything, when you can stay up as late as you want doing anything you want and can just sleep in the next day and snuggle into your covers like a little burrito, is the best kind of night in the world.
what if eyebrows dont know when to stop growing and there are little eyebrow fairies that come to us in our sleep and keep them nice and trimmed each night and we dont know because we are sleeping
Unknown (via koreyan)